“… I returned … with my childhood ideas about a level playing field, a world teeming with opportunity, and myself as a good person fully intact.”
I thought this chapter was interesting about the smooth ride that being both rich and white can make of life. I wasn’t “rich” by Ms. Irving’s standards, of course, but I was never in want. Travel to other lands when I was in my teens and twenties helped me see a bit more about the differences in lifestyles, but I don’t think seeing the destitution in the poor in Mexico, for example, elicited anything more in me than curiosity. And travel to Europe was to places where Europe had a strong economy. (Yeah, I know. Travel to Europe! Yet I think I was not rich…)
“My parents’ educational, professional, and social circles connected us to Boston’s leadership across nearly every industry and discipline.”
I did not have this direct advantage to my knowledge, but my parents, the social circles, and just the proximity to things enabled me to participate in things I cannot really grasp even now. They were advantages. My father worked for an aerospace company, and there was early exposure to computerized processes. My Boy Scout troop was adopted by a Navy ship, and that meant tours guided by officers who were sponsors of our troop, as well as (my memory is hazy here) transport to Catalina Island aboard a Naval vessel of some kind. And our troop even had campouts and weekends by ourselves in the Seal Beach Naval Reserve along the beach. We were undisturbed by anyone for the weekend, and yet a mile away were the teeming shores of Seal Beach. My school’s proximity and connection to USC meant that I was picked (with about eight other boys) for a special enrichment program at USC in the fifth grade that took place over the summer. We had classes in physics and science at USC in the morning, and then in the afternoon we were free to just explore everything about the campus and the surrounding museums. Every day we were there we could go, for free, into every museum—natural history, science and technology, the arts—as well as roam the rose gardens, completely free and completely safe. USC was then surrounded by neighborhoods from the lower economic scales, but I paid no attention as we drove through them, and I don’t recall seeing anyone from those neighborhoods in the museums. My first brush with “the law” was in the museums when I jumped the gate and a guard threw me out—but it was just for a day.
For someone who has a wide and eclectic interest in all sorts of things, having access to every museum—especially the freedom to do what I wanted to do—meant I had a world-class education all on my own. I’m the kind of person who reads everything in a museum—all the exhibits and cards and literature. Free, free, free. All there. And all in the feeling of safety and protection.
“I [was] unaware that volunteering was a privilege reserved for those who could afford it.”
I’m fairly sure that the idea that people would need an economic cushion to get internships and volunteer access never crossed my mind. Typically older people might volunteer, or I’d see young people working as harried assistants, but I never, ever considered that they were underpaid—if they were paid at all—and that such an arrangement would exclude people who needed to be paid..
“Among other things, socioeconomic privilege affords the freedom to explore, take risks, and find work you truly love—the kind that brings out your best.”
As I’ve said here and elsewhere, while I was never rich, I was able to find jobs that interested me, and I was able to move from job to job as I found something more interesting. As far as I can tell, my lack of genuine, formal education never barred me, and I suspect that having the proper pigmentation helped ease me into positions.
“I remember silently and fleetingly questioning the morality of Boston’s elite filling rent-controlled apartments.”
Never even thought about this—but it’s true that having a rich Uncle Frank or Aunt Edna with some treasures and some land and some buildings can come in handy when you’re young and need a hand up.
“Somehow I must have justified my entitlement to access all the privilege I had without really questioning who wasn’t living in the apartment I’d just moved into, or who wasn’t getting the job I’d just gotten.”
This is a key point: when we use our privileges to get something we are perhaps not entitled to, we are taking away from someone who is, but who doesn’t have the connections. I’m thinking of a situation where I was almost offered a scholarship to college. I’d honestly mismarked my application, whether through haste or through my inability to pay attention to anything. The college welcomed me with an acceptance letter that included some generous funding as I was a minority. I laughed, and didn’t accept the offer, and I’m sure that if I had there would be research needed to show my bona fides. But the idea struck me then, that it would be easy to game the system if you had the moxie.
“Dismissing the plight of others comes easiest when you don’t actually know them.”
So much this. The racist systems of our society didn’t happen overnight, and it likely won’t be broken down overnight. But one way that breaks down racist systems is when you have a real relationship with people who are affected by the systems. I can’t really tell you what the quantum here is—how much you must know them, or how deeply you must be in relationship with them. Racist people live comfortably in society where they are surrounded by minorities, and some even have them as friends, co-workers, spouses, or children. Proximity itself doesn’t bring about change.
But sometimes having a relationship can be part of the steps to conciliation and understanding.
Questions
Have you ever benefited from family connections and/or family funds to further your career?
Like I said earlier, it wasn’t the connections but the opportunities and sponsorships. Living in Southern California in the 50s and 60s in the white suburbs not only kept me in a bubble, it enabled the freedom to go use resources elsewhere and come back. That prepared me for my current role today as a writer and editor. I got a broad education, sometimes by the work of others, and often by my own hand—but it was because I had access and time. I didn’t have to work except as needed, and so I had the luxury of doing a lot of what I wanted to do.
Get into a school?
Not that I know of. I never finished college, and the ones I did attend were at my own interest. My family did not and could not fund my college education.
Attain housing?
My father gave us a gift for a down payment for our house in the very low four figures ($3000 if I recall correctly) as our first home was quite small and inexpensive. So yes, there was the financial boost.
From which racial group were those family connections?
This question doesn’t seem to have a direct connection to my responses. There was no connection, but I did use funds (the gift from my father).
For context on this series, see my kick-off post here:
To follow along with the others, see also:
Di Brown “Nixie” at https://dianabrown.net/blog-challenge-waking-up-white/
This chapter: https://dianabrown.net/waking-up-white-chapter-19/
Dawn Claflin at https://dawnclaflin.wordpress.com/
That USC thing sounds like an awesome opportunity! (Thanks for calling out the Europe thing so I didn’t have to 😉 ) I was struck by the statement “I was always able to find jobs that interested me.” You’ve said this several times and I wonder if you have ever examined it. I mean, from the perspective that many of us take jobs that “feed us” or “keep us out of the rain.” Whether they are “interesting” is not a criterion that some people have the luxury of prioritizing.
I experienced a bit of disconnect when I read that someone just gave you thousands of dollars to help buy a house (however ‘small and inexpensive’) and then in the next paragraph read that the question about where those resources came from didn’t apply to you, and that there was “no connection.” Seems like an awful lot of denial in those two statements.
Home ownership is a huge divide, and seeing you actively try to minimize your home ownership seems a little bit like maybe you are ducking something. Add in the comment about Europe, and the last-question denial that dad being white resulted in you getting resources – and I wonder what thing it is that you are trying to push out of the edge of your mirror. 🙂
Before we started this blog challenge, I once challenged you regarding your representation of something as being “the” white experience, when it bore little relationship to my own white experience. At that time, it felt a bit like your experience was not just the baseline for you, but the only white experience you had examined in any depth. As we have proceeded, there has clearly been a marked difference between your experience and Dawn’s/mine. You’ve also had some related side-adventures during this time period.
We tend to judge “rich” against the 1% or 2% – and you certainly weren’t that. Likewise, we have read over and over that people in the upper class (upper-middle to lower-upper) often mis-self-identify as “middle class.”
Throwing those things out for consideration. I guess my core observation here is that at first, I was an outlier – a curiosity. As Dawn gets further into her posts, it would appear that in our little group, it is *you who is the outlier – an unaccustomed position for you. And as that becomes more clear – you seem to be working hard to minimize your advantages.
I wonder why that is – whether “being compared” to less-advantaged whites has offered a new round of self-shaming? Whether seeing the details of our own journey is causing you to re-assess your self-image of middle-class-ness? Whether some of the other things you’ve learned as friends comment to you on these posts has challenged some of your assumptions? Whatever that might be, it seems that something in your self-understanding is changing – and so much of the language in this post feels like Your Previous Self-Assessment clinging hard and insisting it is still true…
I don’t have a good response because, to be transparent here, I don’t actively see this. This does not mean, of course, that my impression of my own thoughts are correct. I think that, when we are around people and trying to be accountable, those people, including you, we are going to see things that are somehow hidden from self-awareness. We create our selves and we have icebergs in the sea of our personality. So all I can say is, the information you give me about my words and your questions are something I’m holding on to and turning in my mind to understand. I otherwise don’t have an answer for you.
Again I can only plead that I’m unaware of this and don’t have your clarity. When you tell me these things, I attempt to listen and to process them, to “see” myself as you see me. In my opinion, it is vitally important that you have the freedom and trust to say these things, because a relationship has to include the words that are like crystal.
This is a complex paragraph to evaluate, and I want to listen to the intent as well as the words. It is a curious thing for me to consider my responses as self-shaming–it is not something I’ve actively considered. But one reason we are in this group is not just for the answers but also for the journey. The insights you share with me are to my own growth, and although I might not be able to respond right away or even surface my thoughts, I take the words and the insights seriously. One of the things I work hard to hold on to as a core value is that information that is contradictory or that refutes my ideas is not information that is threatening to me. Even so, it is hard to grasp words that don’t fit right away, so I’m in the state of trying to understand.
You do not owe me your time or your work, and it is a gift to me that you offer them both. I appreciate them, and I appreciate you. When you hold me accountable, I remember that you do so because you are truly a friend.