It’s really sad when white guys don’t get it. There’s a sui generis difference between the experience of Black Americans and everyone else.
I was in a discussion with some people, including some white guys, one who demanded to include his own viewpoint into any discussion about the value of Black lives, often expressed by the phrase “Black Lives Matter.”
It was . . . an interesting discussion that went nowhere, because the discussion started from ignorance by this gentleman and never went any further than what he already was convinced was the whole truth.
The sad thing isn’t so much that he didn’t listen. (Reader: he didn’t listen.) The sad thing is that he didn’t want to listen. He had all the information he needed for his opinion, and he was eager to tell my Black friends that their own lived existence, today in America, was less value than his assumptions about the lived experiences of others who also had it bad.
The ignorance is a choice at this point. We can present resources to help us uncover more about what we don’t know, and discover how to improve what we do know, but it takes an act of courage and even a leap of faith to say “I might not know what I’m talking about. Help me learn.”
So, for us white people — especially us white guys! — I recommend the book “Waking Up White,” by Debby Irving. It’s both a memoir, of sorts, as well as a workbook for oneself or a study book for a group. (You can find it here on Amazon, but of course you can purchase it from your local independent bookstore or check it out of the library. I’d recommend buying it so you can take notes. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HZZ1JD0)
My own set of writer friends here in the Pacific Northwest invited me in to join them in the journey. We read through the 46 short chapters and journaled our own thoughts and development. It was a rough experience at times–the work required to dig into our own selves as white people who are white was difficult–we are simply not used to seeing ourselves as white; rather, we’re used to seeing ourselves as just “normal” and “regular” and “ordinary”–and added to that, we see ourselves as starting from innocence.
One thing Ms. Irving mentions that is extremely helpful when talking about privilege is the discussion of “headwinds and tailwinds.” It’s an easier way to understand the privileges of whiteness in America. Also, Ms. Irving likes sailing. 
White people have tailwinds in their lives, pushing them subtly along, helping them avoid the worst of their bad decisions, and often pushing them through their ordinary selfish or thoughtless or even harmful decisions, ensuring that they will, without much effort, succeed.
We believe this happens without any effort on our part (largely true), but avoid seeing how we ourselves also work to establish, maintain, and spread this further for white Americans. We even say “anyone can succeed in America” even as we simultaneously see the data that our opinions are contradicted by direct, daily experience.
Others in American, most specifically Black and Indigenous, have exactly the opposite: they have headwinds that push them back, often strongly, so that unless they exert Herculean efforts, they cannot get ahead. From bad health outcomes for pregnant mothers, to environmental risks that poison and kill Black children, to lousy education (paying the same level of taxes as white people!), to lousy job opportunities, to lower-paying jobs and lack of access to promotions, to exclusion from leadership in businesses, schools, churches, entertainment, and especially politics, to exclusion from the same level of justice as white people–Black Americans are targeted with headwinds, and whether we see them or not (who has seen the wind?), the headwinds exist.
Ask any Black person if they realize that they’re Black, every day, and I’ll bet that 99% of the time they can answer instantly “Yes.” They know, because they experience it. Ask any white person if they realize they’re white every day, or that they realize that they “got away” with something that Black folks don’t–and either you’ll get the response of “what are you talking about?” or even “there’s no difference between being white and being Black in America.”
Try it.
I don’t say this from a sense of standing outside this situation, as if somehow I’m above it because I know things and can repeat information. I’m here as a white male Christian in the middle of this mess, and I’ve spent all my life living in its comforts and also participating in it through my votes and business decisions and hiring practices and educational choices and housing choices and religious choices and everything about me in my white systems.
Being aware is the first step towards finding ways to make it change. Equality and Equity are needed–even demanded–if we are to be the people who believe in justice and fairness like we say we do when we recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
It’s utter, sheer, astonishing ignorance and hubris for any white person to say that they don’t have the tailwinds, and it’s blindness and denial to say that Black Americans don’t have the headwinds.
I am really tired of the blathering nonsense of white people, especially white males, a class of people that includes me. We can do better. We have immense liberty to do so. We can educate ourselves, make better choices, start working to bring justice and fairness, build relationships upon trust and love and mutuality, and push America one step closer to fairness.
Now, whether or not white people–especially you white males!–want to listen to me or enjoy listening to me, the work still has to be done. I’m indifferent that you don’t want to help. I’m providing you some information to awaken you. When you choose to deny it or even fight against it–that’s your choice. But I’m pushing forward, with or without you.
If you want to see my own thoughts about my journey through the book, you can take a look here on my blog by following the topic #WakingUpWhite. I wrote everything down as I went along. It’s not a smooth journey. I sometimes said things that in later chapters I had to unsay. But I’d rather be honest than present myself as somehow being someone who “gets it.” The blog shows that I don’t get it, and that I need to be edumacated quite often.