Absolutely great. Frank, honest, funny, touching, real. Frederick Joseph here is at once wonderfully endearing and approachable and also blunt and direct, someone who is self-possessed and self-aware, and someone who is going to be a great friend for whomever will let him be exactly that.
I found myself laughing on quite a few pages, but almost in the next line wincing or even blurting out “oh my god.” There is so much truth here, and great observations, and the definite proclamation of “I am a man,” much in the spirit of the resisters of the 1960s.
I appreciated so much the willingness to go into the paint, as it were, regarding the conversations we must have about race and power and conciliation and honesty. Quite a few of my white friends do not have Black friends and do not know how to find Black friends to connect with. It can be a difficult topic to broach: how do you ask someone to be a friend when you have never thought of that before, much less made efforts to be a friend in return. But one great thing about having that difficult discussion is that we can talk about race and power and conciliation as real and important things, not things that are so hard to talk about that we never talk about them at all.
This book will not please everyone, and I’m sure there are those who will find reasons to dismiss this hopeful, honest plea to be seen and heard by a Black man speaking to the white audience (mostly in America, I’d guess; his thoughts are still useful for non-Americans).
But if you are curious, hopeful, a bit afraid by the task, feeling as if it’s not possible to connect with others who are not exactly like you—this book will give you some room to think about yourself and your actions, and give you some guidance on how to simply be a better, more thoughtful, more loving, more empathetic human being who can make the connections.
I’ll confess I picked up this book because of the nay-sayers and the detractors, those who think that there is nothing wrong here in America in how the majority treats minorities, and I’m afraid that my life experience is that this is a commonly wished-for fantasy that simply isn’t the truth about America. But this book wasn’t a take-down of America with no build-up. Joseph just talks about his own experience of being Black in America, and talks about the possibility that we might be able to connect with each other in spite of how we’ve been taught to behave—but it will take some work on our part.
Joseph does not do all the talking here. In fact, about 50% of the book comprises interviews with people who are also telling their stories. Depending upon your exposure to modern culture and the arts, you might recognize a few of them. They come alongside Joseph to share their similar, yet unique stories of growing up or simply being a person living in the white world, here in America and abroad, as an outsider. Their stories are also relatable and are teachable moments for us who don’t often listen to them.
This is an approachable, human book that’s easy to read. Depending upon your interest in the topic, you might browse through a chapter at a time, or you might dive right in and consume it all in one sitting.
I’m looking forward to his next two books. I’m sure they will be equally fascinating, instructive, and thought-provoking.
From the publisher:
From the perspective of the friend everyone should have, Frederick Joseph offers an essential read for white people who want to be better about race—and people of color who long to see their experiences validated.
“We don’t see color.” “I didn’t know Black people liked Star Wars!” “What hood are you from?” For Frederick Joseph, life in a mostly white high school as a smart and increasingly popular transfer student was full of wince-worthy moments that he often simply let go. As he grew older, however, he saw these as missed opportunities not only to stand up for himself, but to spread awareness to the white friends and acquaintances who didn’t see the negative impact they were having and who would change if they knew how.
Speaking directly to the reader, The Black Friend calls up race-related anecdotes from the author’s past, weaving in his thoughts on why they were hurtful and how he might handle things differently now. Each chapter includes the voice of at least one artist or activist, including Tarell Alvin McCraney, screenwriter of Moonlight; April Reign, creator of #OscarsSoWhite; Angie Thomas, author of The Hate U Give; and eleven others. Touching on everything from cultural appropriation to power dynamics, “reverse racism” to white privilege, microaggressions to the tragic results of overt racism, this book serves as conversation starter, tool kit, and invaluable window into the life of a former “token Black kid” who now presents himself as the friend many of us need. Back matter includes an encyclopedia of racism, providing details on relevant historical events, terminology, and more.
Get this book at online bookstores by using the links here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48589165-the-black-friend