I picked this book up because of a scheduled broadcast with the author that I was planning to attend, and I wanted to be prepared. I expected this to be more of an advice column to people like me who would want to expand their understanding of others by digging into their own selves about their own perceptions. That is, a book centered on the white audience.
This book was not that. It starts out with stories and anecdotes and witty sayings that had me laughing at loud at their sharpness, but along the way that drawing in through humor and openness turned into a much different experience. He’s doing exactly what he promised, I thought. He’s saying this is how he will be your Black friend.
But Phillipe doesn’t do this by coming to me to tell me how he relates to me. Instead, he is going to bring me deeper into what it is about him that is central to understanding and appreciating and even loving him. Not the warts-and-all approach but rather the frank honesty of the rages and tears and laughter and dreams that are far too often held inside us, unable to come out lest we lose—or risk losing—our connections with those we call “friends.” This is me, he says, and if you would want me as a friend, this is the person you are seeking to know and be intimate with.
I found myself charmed and beguiled as I kept reading, afraid sometimes to read the next page or sentence or word, not because they were hard or painful but because someone out there is trusting me here to know him and see him & still risk the connection. It will not be a perfect friendship, he says. You will sometimes want to throw me out from your home. But if you stick with me, you’ll have someone who is going to do his best to be his entire genuine self. That does come with a caveat, of course: Phillipe, like everyone else, is going to make the attempt to present a better front that what is really going on—but even that is going to be the Phillipe that you will have to know if you would have him as your Black friend.
I was on the journey here with him, through the circumstances of his life, the awkward and awful things, all the joys and unexpected pleasures, the deep embarrassing situations and moments when it felt like life was a glorious thing to live. This is a “tell-some” book, he says, not a “tell-all,” so of course we will not hear all the stories in this book. We might not even hear them all if we are to take Phillipe in as our friend. We are, however, going to get someone who will exist in every dimension, and that, we will discover, is a very good thing.
I’ve read many books this year, some of them similar to his in that they are life stories. This is the first one that I finished where I wanted to have more. Maybe we should continue these conversations over a beer or a jog or a discussion about a movie. That would be a good friendship, I think.
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