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- #WakingUpWhite, American Exceptionalism, Celebrate Recovery, faith, history, Life Recovery Skills, racism, writing
#WakingUpWhite Chapter 41: From Bystander to Ally
Still reading chapters from Waking Up White, by Debbie Irving, and blogging my responses as I read. Quotes are from the book, and my responses follow. I’ve been doing some thinking lately about all this. And by “all this” I mean “all the stuff I read and write and think and say,” because I don’t know if—beyond confirming with others who are already convinced—I’m doing anything effective. And to be as blunt as possible about this: I’m not sure, not at all sure, that what I’m doing is doing anything for me or in me or to me. I’m not sure that I’ve done anything beyond becoming more informed and…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 39: Equality Starts with Equity
I’m going through Debbie Irving’s book Waking Up White, along with several friends, blogging about each chapter as I read it and react to it. Quotes are from her book; my responses follow. Another particularly stubborn hard-drive attitude I’ve had to wrestle with is the idea that “fair means equal.” This attitude fits nicely with the myth of meritocracy. This fits in with what I’m thinking at the moment, that there are so many missing elements and gaps in the lives and experiences of my friends. I imagine sometimes what it might be like to be equal, but I hadn’t considered, really, what it might be like to have equity.…
- #WakingUpWhite, American Exceptionalism, Celebrate Recovery, faith, history, Life Recovery Skills, racism, writing
#WakingUpWhite Chapter 38: The Rugged Individual
I’m blogging my way through Waking Up White, by Debbie Irving. Along with a few other writers, we’re reading and commenting as we go. See the end of this post for more information. Learning to value both independence and interdependence. I am intrigued by this already. My predisposition is that independence is valuable in itself, and that is what I focus on. Gotta be honest, this was drilled into me in my formation. I can’t think of any one thing that led to this, but the entire period of my childhood and youth was that I had to go it alone, do it my way, follow my own path, build…
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The Quarantine of Emotions
If you haven’t been paying attention, there’s a play running right now in New York City that’s controversial and provoking. “The Slave Play” (which I have not seen) questions the intersection between black and white, male and female, slave and free, running from the 19th century into the 21st. From the reviews and news stories I’ve read, it’s deeply discomforting to just about everyone who sees it, and everyone who sees it and talks about it seems to have highly individualized reactions to it. Just reading the reviews and the following comments makes me uncomfortable. I don’t rest easy with depictions of human interactions that depend heavily upon these themes…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 37: Boxes and Labels
This is another post in the series Waking Up White, exploring the book by Debby Irving of the same name. For the complete list of posts, see https://stephenmatlock.com/category/writing/wakingupwhite/ I’m not an active snob, just a well-programmed passive one. The problem of thinking that life is either or, says Ms. Irving, is that after we divide people, we stop paying attention to those in the “wrong” group. We favor the “right” people. We become, conscious or not, of class and status based upon our classification system and our values used to rank people. What Ms. Irving suggests as a replacement is curiosity and kindness and respect and active listening. When I…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 36: The Dominant White Culture
Continuing the series of examining whiteness while working through Waking Up White, by Debbie Irving. I’m utterly intrigued by the opening of this chapter: Moving from not knowing what it was to feeling it in every recess of my being. We all don’t start at the same places in our journeys; we don’t take the same paths; and we do not go at the same speed. But as far as I can tell, those of us who are working to investigate whiteness and ourselves in that whiteness have similar milestones and markers. Ms. Irving’s words here resonate with me—perhaps not in the same way, because I of course can’t get…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 35: If Only You’d Be More Like Me
I’m reading & simultaneously commenting on Debby Irving’s book Waking Up White. Jesus. I mean that in reverence not as a jocular aside or even as a swear word. I just finished writing (and lightly editing) a piece on what others think, using my own self and my own growing understanding, and how little I am doing right now other that reading, writing, or talking, and Ms. Irving opens with this: After years of wanting to help and fix others, I learned I had my own work to do. Like an arrow it strikes: how much of what I do is for others, because the others need my help? Jesus.…
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White Jesus, Bible Jesus: Pick One
Yes, this is deliberately provocative for a blog title, chosen to shake up people settled in their ways like the lees of a wine bottle stored far too long in a dusty cellar. I don’t respond to every bit of white nonsense I hear, for two main reasons: one, I already have a full life of people and activities and interests. White nonsense is everywhere, and I simply don’t have the strength or wisdom or patience to deal with it all the time. Two, I’m white—6F, as I put it—and I participate in white nonsense and sometimes create it. I’m working diligently to do that less, and I own every…
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My Dear White People
This is a love letter. Really. And it comes from someone who has committed every sin that’s listed here—and many more that are not. I embrace you and love you and care for you, and I think you’re fabulous in what you intend. You’re so kind and generous at times! But we need to talk about some stuff. We need to be real. We need to do something that we just don’t know how to do as white people: talk about ourselves without all the fronting and anger and hiding and shame. Because not only are we hurting those around us—even those we call our friends!—we’re hurting ourselves. I’ll leave…
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The Purpose-Driven Lie
“The purpose of racism is to control the behavior of white people, not Black people. For Blacks, guns and tanks are sufficient.” Dr. Otis Madison There are a few mentors in my life right now, men and women I both respect and admire. They teach me from their wisdom, from their experience, from their souls, and I attempt to listen, process, and adapt my own self to the new information I discover. One of my mentors, Andre Henry, posted this quote, which intrigued me immediately. I’ve been chewing on it for a day or so now, and musing about “what it means.” (Sometimes we do this even if it’s obvious,…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 33: Perception and Fear
Once again, a reminder that this series (“Waking Up White”) is from the book by Debby Irving. I read the chapter cold, and respond as I read. Then I answer the questions at the end. I do this work in public not because I need the cookie. When I was lost and frozen in white racism, one of the things that held me locked up was that I had no models of others who had found a way out. For those of you who are locked up yourself, maybe I can give you some assurance that you can be found, that there is a way out, and that it is…
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I Am MLK Jr
A film from the Paramount Network. I was 13 when Dr. King was murdered. I could not comprehend what I was watching on TV from my safe, comfortable living room. The screen was too small, maybe, and my town was too far, and my community too different. I watched cities burn in April 1968, but I did not understand. I watched more since then and I understand more now of what I was seeing. This film is that moment for me, recapitulated, but now I see with the eyes of an adult who has lived through the America of the sixties and into the teens of the 21st century. I’m…
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Walking in and out of Justice
Sometimes we can choose our inconveniences. I was watching a video late last night, far past midnight, and stopped about half-way through because it was one o’clock or so in the morning. Released by Paramount, I Am MLK, Jr., is a powerful new (2018) film about the life of the man who shaped America and was murdered for it. One thing that struck me, again, was the immediacy and fragility of the Civil Rights Movement. It was a seat-of-your-pants operation with multiple streams and leaders, even though MLK had become, for many, the leader, the Man for Justice. I’m sure there was planning — the councils and commissions comprised serious…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 32: Getting Over Myself
The liberation of letting go of my self-image. Choosing to engage in the effort to dismantle racism promises to bring with it discomfort, yet how can I compare my discomfort to what people of color endure? While I don’t like this for a few reasons, I think I understand the meaning behind it. Still, it doesn’t help to say “your feelings don’t count because other people have it worse.” This is what we’re told when we feel bad or angry or disappointed—and it’s a way to dismiss the validity of our feelings. White people who work to dismantle racism—to become, as Dr. Kendi says, “actively antiracist,” will experience discomfort, and…
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When We Don’t Want to Know
Ignorance is sometimes a lack of opportunity. We don’t have access to resources, including people and their lived experiences, to understand the width and depth of racism. I can understand that there might be such people, although in the connected world of today, I can’t accept that it is a frequent occurrence. But in almost every case, our ignorance is deliberate and our culpability in our lack of understanding is a deliberate choice to avoid the hard truths of American racism, and to avoid the very hard work of breaking that. That awareness and confession and breaking apply to our own individual selves, of course. It is such a common…
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Sliding Away from Relevancy
If you haven’t been tracking the news, there’s been a dust-up in the American Evangelical world. An influential publishing outfit that produces RELEVANT magazine has been having some of its more dysfunctional efforts and people come to light. You can go read the initial posts by Mr. Andre Henry (a former Managing Editor) here, or related posts from Ms. Rebecca Marie Jo here. You can then read RELEVANT’s official response and the response from Mr. Cameron Strang, as well as a fine commentary by Ms. Ally Henny here. And you can read Mr. Henry’s reply to RELEVANT here. It’s kind of a mess, and the temptation is just to say…
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Moral Switzerlands
This is a prescient verse from 3000 years or so ago: “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15, AV White people are gonna have to choose, every single time. Every single time we choose complacency and choose safety and choose white solidarity we are choosing wickedness and cruelty and destruction. Whether we want to be honest about…
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The Voices Are Coming from Inside the House
Before this day in 1957, Hazel Massery (white) had never met Elizabeth Eckford (Black). After this day, they did not meet again until a decade later. And yet Ms. Massery became the face of white reaction to the mere presence of Black people in their reserved spaces. Without prompting, she exploded in anger and fury—and yes, hate. Something in whiteness trains us to be like this. To simply hate not only the “other” but the “inferior.” We’re trained to believe in the innate superiority of white people; in things where we appear to fail we say we have no interest. What was the actual problem Ms. Eckford caused that would…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 28: I Am the Elephant
This chapter explores the meaning behind not only identifying as white (which is simple enough when we check off the census form), but also identifying white as a race in the same construct that black is a race. Being white, or whiteness, is a construct, with similar rules and roles and obligations as those that are imposed upon being black, or blackness. “[B]eing a part of American organizations, institutions, and traditions came so easily to me, I couldn’t imagine what could be so tough about adjusting to them.” There are at least two parts to being white. One is that we have an entire set of behaviors and standards, of…
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Juneteenth, Reparations, and What Do I Do About It?
Today is June 19th, a day when we remember that our American experiment with freedom included over 200 years of enslavement for Africans stolen and sold to white slavers. Today is the day when HR#40, a bill to set up a commission to study reparations, was introduced for discussion in a House subcommittee hearing. And today I considered the long and winding road of my own presence in America. I have a history, y’all. My father’s family came to America in the early 1700s from England—the region where Matlock, Derbyshire sits. The family split early into Northern and Southern branches, with one group leaving for North and West, from North…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 6: From Confusion to Shock
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 27: Living into Expectations
This was a fascinating chapter for me, in that I hadn’t really dived into this before: what is it that we thought about ourselves when we were young that has somehow determined who we are as adults, based upon the choices we made from youth to adulthood. I was talking about this today on the bus with a friend. In high school the guidance counselors said “You can pretty much do whatever you want—you have no one specific passion.” And I’ve done that in life, settling on my current career of doing something interesting in tech while I wait for something to pique my interest elsewhere. I’ve done all sorts…
- #WakingUpWhite, American Exceptionalism, challenges, faith, history, justice, Life Recovery Skills, work
#WakingUpWhite Chapter 25: Belonging
This chapter is about the tendency of white folks to feel like they belong everywhere. Ms. Irving focuses on the school environment, because she was a volunteer or participant at so many levels, including being on committees to help bring about and embrace “diversity.”
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 24: Everyone Is Different; Everyone Belongs
We need to do the right things when we can, but it is critically important that we continually reevaluate whether we're really doing the right things. We might not be able to wait until we have all the data before we try to make changes, but we absolutely must be willing to reexamine our efforts and even our understandings.
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 23: Diversity Training
More than having a map, a method, and motive, grasping what race and racialism in America will involve something deeper than just a way to work things out.
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 22: Why Do I Always End Up with White People?
Ever wonder why it is that even when good people want to fix things, nothing really gets fixed but a lot of talk passes by? I grew up in the fabulous 50s and 60s, and I remember the talk on how we were well on on way to fixing racism. “Just a little while longer,” I heard, “and we’ll get this discrimination eliminated. Just a few years more and all God’s children will be playing together.” Spoiler: It didn’t happen that way. The effort needed to make change happen is much, much great than the effort needed to think about making change happen. We can wish all we want. We…
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The Charlottesville Declaration
From the founding of this nation until the present hour, the idolatry of whiteness has been a pro-death spirit within our republic. I did not see this earlier, but I think it’s important to proclaim—loudly, confidently—that the gospel in America is the eternal gospel of God, of recognition and repentance and restoration.
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#Waking Up White Chapter 21: Straddling Two Worlds
This chapter is unbelievably relevant, especially in light of the post I put up not six hours ago about my past (“News and Updates”) as well as my essay on Medium (“My Journey into Blackness”). While I was in process of rethinking my thoughts and recalibrating my actions according to my values, I was using the online persona “Between Two Worlds.” My own feelings were much like what Ms. Irving relates in this chapter, and I can say I experienced many of the same things she did in the struggle to find who I was and where I belong. “Having my new friends ridicule my old world confused me. I…
