essays
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What I’ve Learned in 2023
I wanted to reflect upon what I learned this year, and also think of how my knowledge will affect my choices and behaviors in the new year…
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When Church Becomes the State
Sometimes we think that by making our country an explicitly religious one, we will solve our problems. But the results are always worse.
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Making the Past the Past
“The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” ~ Wm. Faulkner It is a difficult thing to think that one’s own faith might itself be in need of redemption. While I got “saved” into the Christian faith during the Jesus Movement, I still found the Billy Graham Crusades to be helpful. Yet it felt funny to see BG side with Republicans. It was discomforting to see how little BG dealt with the racism of the church—even when I wasn’t aware of what was going on, really, I remember thinking it odd that BG would be so, so careful on how he handled MLK, Jr. and his memory. I found…
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With Malice Aforethought
“The McMichaels did not intend to kill Mr. Arbery that day. All they intended to do was to stop him, question him, and hold him and wait for the police to arrive.” You’ll start hearing this defense, if you haven’t already. It seems so understandable, so smooth, so compassionate. But. No. Imagine you’re going to “get out of the house.” Just go for a drive. It’s May, and it’s a beautiful day. “I’m not going bowling,” you say. “I know that bowling is bad for me. I get mad when I can’t get 300 and I mess up the place.” But you take your bowling bag with your bowling ball…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 39: Equality Starts with Equity
I’m going through Debbie Irving’s book Waking Up White, along with several friends, blogging about each chapter as I read it and react to it. Quotes are from her book; my responses follow. Another particularly stubborn hard-drive attitude I’ve had to wrestle with is the idea that “fair means equal.” This attitude fits nicely with the myth of meritocracy. This fits in with what I’m thinking at the moment, that there are so many missing elements and gaps in the lives and experiences of my friends. I imagine sometimes what it might be like to be equal, but I hadn’t considered, really, what it might be like to have equity.…
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When Words Fail
I was in a conversation recently where this question came up: “How do we influence people to change their minds and do things differently?” This question is dear to me because it speaks to my own conversion experience—no, not a religious conversion. My conversion was the realignment of my behaviors, connections, and beliefs with the values I already held. I’ve told my story elsewhere, but will summarize it here: I used to be solidly white-centered, and now, not so much— but given the context of living in the Pacific Northwest ten years ago, this was a radical, life-altering change. I know—as does anyone who has lived in the spaces that are…
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The Quarantine of Emotions
If you haven’t been paying attention, there’s a play running right now in New York City that’s controversial and provoking. “The Slave Play” (which I have not seen) questions the intersection between black and white, male and female, slave and free, running from the 19th century into the 21st. From the reviews and news stories I’ve read, it’s deeply discomforting to just about everyone who sees it, and everyone who sees it and talks about it seems to have highly individualized reactions to it. Just reading the reviews and the following comments makes me uncomfortable. I don’t rest easy with depictions of human interactions that depend heavily upon these themes…
- essays, Fifth Avenue Theatre, justice, Life Recovery Skills, musicals, musings, racism, reviews, reviews, Theatre, writing
Pride and Prejudice, Staged
Last week we went to see a production of the new musical AUSTEN’S PRIDE, the story of Jane Austen‘s creation of the world of Pemberley and Darcy and Lizzie and Mrs. Bennet and Mr. Wickham and … well, the entire world that lives between the covers of the book Pride and Prejudice. Precis: Miss Jane Austen has had a successful run with her book Sense and Sensibility, but her publisher wants a new work. Simultaneously, her intended fiancé decides to break with her. She’s been rejected a few times, and is living in genteel near-poverty. All she has now to her assets is an idea with no form or view.…
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A Place We Cannot Enter
I've watched my friends express their shock, their hurt, their anger, their outrage, their fury, their fear, their hopelessness, their isolation, their understanding of their own oppression in a society that does not see them. Does not value them. Does not, from beginning to end, love them.
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When We Don’t Want to Know
Ignorance is sometimes a lack of opportunity. We don’t have access to resources, including people and their lived experiences, to understand the width and depth of racism. I can understand that there might be such people, although in the connected world of today, I can’t accept that it is a frequent occurrence. But in almost every case, our ignorance is deliberate and our culpability in our lack of understanding is a deliberate choice to avoid the hard truths of American racism, and to avoid the very hard work of breaking that. That awareness and confession and breaking apply to our own individual selves, of course. It is such a common…
- American Exceptionalism, Celebrate Recovery, essays, faith, justice, Life Recovery Skills, musings, racism, writing
What Is the Home That Shuts Its Doors to You?
ETA: I misnamed Ms. Ally Henny in this article & have corrected it. My apologies for misnaming her. I follow people in social media, and try hard to follow people who give me insight into their worlds that I don’t see. I follow people all over the world, mostly English speakers (but I throw in other languages and attempt to puzzle out their meaning with translation tools). Most of the people I follow are here in North America, specifically in the United States of America, and one them recently posted a blog entry about “Leaving Home.” (You can read it here: https://thearmchaircommentary.com/2019/09/22/leaving-home/) It is the story of Ally Henny and…
- American Exceptionalism, Celebrate Recovery, Contests, essays, faith, flash fiction, justice, Life Recovery Skills, musings, writing
When You Fall
I write and edit for a living, and I write for fun. I have a few novels in progress, with one released (so far); I write short stories and poems; I develop short screenplays and radio scripts, some which have been performed. That’s an incredibly heady feeling—to see your words expressed through actors on a stage or from a microphone! Often my stories and scripts come from a prompt as part of a competition. The poems are just extra—no one wants to read my poetry which is their sad loss. I try to be authentic and real, and I work hard—danged hard!—on creating characters who ring true, who speak like…
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Of Course I’m Racist
I don’t think I’ve ever been called a racist—not because I’m not, but because the people in my life are simply too kind and too gentle, and treat me as if I’m terribly fragile. But I will say, with the same level of clear-eyed truth about being in recovery for my addictions, that I am a racist. Thoroughly dipped and dyed, all the way through, head to heart, sole to soul, from earliest memory until today. Being called a racist will not kill you. It might sting because it attacks your self-image of being “not a racist.” Actually being a racist is what kills you. It deadens you to humanity.…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 29: Intent and Impact
The process of "waking up white" isn't just to be aware of whiteness. It is to wake up, and then to leave it. To go to something that's better and more life-affirming and full of health. And to not even be sure where the destination is, but with the calm assurance that it's out there.
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 9: White Superiority
[Edited 2/23/2019 A point of clarification on this post: the indented portions are quotes from the book by Debby Irving, “Waking Up White.” Along with several other people, some who are posting in public, I’m going through the book chapter-by-chapter, attempting to think out loud what I my responses are and what my desires are. While I am attempting to be truthful, I am also attempting to be sensitive to my friends and family in the wider community, including my friends and family who are of non-European descent. If something I write seems injurious to you, please do let me know—while my intent is one thing, I realize that impact…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 1: What Wasn’t Said
This chapter* opens with a provocative quote by the author: “‘WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ALL THE INDIANS?’ I asked my mother on a Friday morning ride home from the library.” Gotta tell you, this not a question I had growing up in the 50s in the middle-class white suburbs of Los Angeles and Orange County. “Where are all the people of color?” I did not ask because for me the world was white. I cannot remember a single person I met before the mid 70s who was black except for our neighbor’s maid, and I tell you this with a sense of shame and embarrassment that I never knew her name,…
- American Exceptionalism, Celebrate Recovery, essays, faith, history, justice, Life Recovery Skills, racism
Feats of Clay
Our heroes are flawed. Our villains have moments of redemptive grace. We live in a complex world, where we cannot depend upon someone being just someone, but instead they are always many things. I bring this up because Christmas 2018 is half-way over. (You do celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas from Dec 25 Christmas Day through January 6, Epiphany of the Gentiles, of course?) And in Christmastime one of the more popular carols (“Christmas hymns”) is the fantastic, overwhelming, joyful “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.” It’s one of my favorites, both in the tune and in the words. Charles Wesley wanted a song that was solemn and majestic, befitting…
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Why It Matters: For you I was born, for you I live, and for you I give my last breath
I am involved in two streams right now that are greatly affecting me on how I see myself and what I consider my values. And in one of those streams the topic came up about why people do what they do. For me, the question is really “Why pursue racial conciliation?”, which was prompted by a statement from Jemar Tisby in his podcast “Color of Compromise Pre-Launch Interview” (appx 11/28/2018): “The more you pursue justice, the more of Jesus you get.” Why this matters to me is something I’ll explain. First, a brief immediate background. I’ve been working on my “stuff” for about ten years now. I have a lot…
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“Only a Mother’s Love” fantasy short fiction published
My 2018 Yeah Write fiction entry Only a Mother’s Love is now published online at Short-Story.Me https://www.short-story.me/stories/fantasy-stories/1071-only-a-mother-s-love Premise is a mash-up of science fiction and true crime detective. And about 1000 words.
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Converting the Unconvertable
You cannot change someone’s mind through the presentation of fact. That presentation of fact happens later, after they are willing to be persuaded. What changes people is personal interaction and communication. So outside of any change of mind, connection with people can lead to a chance for a change in direction. It happens very, very infrequently. Marshaling fact upon fact and argument upon argument is actually ineffective in changing a mind or an opinion. But what I’ve found is this: maintaining a consistent, fair, kind viewpoint, consistently refusing to accede to stupid and mendacious reasoning, consistently refusing to “compromise” by agreeing with putative “moderate” position, consistently refusing to allow the…
- Celebrate Recovery, education, essays, faith, family, history, justice, Life Recovery Skills, racism, writing
So, This Is How It Happened
In which I relate the many interlocking steps leading to my aligning myself with all I once thought was opposed to God, flag, and country. In the past eight years I have made many changes, from the friends I hang around with, the method of church participation I act in, and the attention I pay to the issues and people around me. My behavior and words have puzzled some people, and angered others. And, to be frank, most people have largely shrugged their shoulders and said “eh,” which is an entirely natural action by most people when they see someone behaving oddly. But if you are interested in how I…
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Am I Racist?
This is a hard question for white people to answer because it is painful to consider. Short answer: Yes. You are racist. More acceptable answer (to help with the feelings): Mostly likely yes. Here’s why: It’s hard to hear that we white people (and our own selves) are racist, because we want to be on the side of the angels (of justice and reconciliation, etc.). But the true fact is that staying silent isn’t rejection. It’s accommodation and acceptance. And please understand that because “racism” is seen as bad, no one who thinks of themselves as “good” wants to be called “racist.” But racism is not what bad people do.…
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On Empathy
Some helpful techniques and guidance about how to listen when people tell you something about themselves. It’s called empathy: When someone speaks of their experience, pain, or situation, empathy is to listen, and then to walk or sit with them. Often when people tell you of a painful event they aren’t asking for your own experience. They’re saying they feel safe with you and are implying that they really need you to listen and even maybe help them process. Be careful sharing your “me too!” stories at that moment. It might be because your memories are triggered, but sometimes that response tells them “Time for my own story.” It’s not…
- challenges, essays, faith, history, justice, Life Recovery Skills, musings, questions, racism, writing
A Jury of One’s Peers
You may (or may have not) seen video circulating recently showing the last moments of black American men shot by American cops. Some of my friends think we should see them. Some of my friends think we should not. I respect them all so much, and those who are against seeing them have my full support, as those who encourage us to show these deaths. Rather than come down one way another, here’s what I think, if my opinion is worth anything at all: I think we need to do what we think we need to do. I won’t demand people watch the videos (and I don’t share them, myself,…
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Remarks to the Muslim Association of Snoqualmie Ridge
Back in November of 2015, Washington State Representative Jay Rodne (R-05) made some inflammatory remarks about Muslims and Sharia law, leading to many ugly statements from others in the community expressing their own ignorance and hatred. In response, the Muslims in our community of Snoqualmie and North Bend came together in a community open house on Saturday, January 30th, and invited me, along with the mayor of North Bend and others, to speak to them and our wider community as part of their outreach program. Here are my remarks prepared for that meeting. Good morning. I extend my thanks to Mujeeb Mohammed, President of the Muslim Association of Snoqualmie Ridge,…
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What Must We Then Do?
I’m a Christian, and I also believe in the power of reason. I don’t think anyone is convinced to switch sides on any of the culture-war issues based on emotional arguments that simply escalate into a battle of “who has the loudest voice.” I believe that the American Christian church of today has been bamboozled into thinking that it is enough to be against abortion, and that as long as we stop that from happening, the rest of our lives can remain indistinguishable from someone who has no power and no life of their own. An American Christian has a different vocabulary and a different habit for 11:00 on Sunday…
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Just Words / Just Words
Much of what is happening now in the world of the Internet and the media focuses on several issues: The deaths of nine saints in Charleston, South Carolina The demands to take down the Confederate Battle Flag (“CBF”) from the state capitol grounds in Columbia, South Carolina Now, not much has actually happened yet as a result of these two issues. The killer of those nine people was caught and will stand trial. Politicians are hemming and hawing over whether they will come out and support removing the CBF and thereby risk offending their white supporters, or come out and resist removing the CBF and thereby risk offending everyone else…
