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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 19: My Good Luck
“… I returned … with my childhood ideas about a level playing field, a world teeming with opportunity, and myself as a good person fully intact.” I thought this chapter was interesting about the smooth ride that being both rich and white can make of life. I wasn’t “rich” by Ms. Irving’s standards, of course, but I was never in want. Travel to other lands when I was in my teens and twenties helped me see a bit more about the differences in lifestyles, but I don’t think seeing the destitution in the poor in Mexico, for example, elicited anything more in me than curiosity. And travel to Europe was…
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There Are No Racists
I’m involved in a group that’s digging into American white racism, and I gotta say, there are times when I feel so discouraged that I feel like giving up. It’s too hard, it’s too much to deal with, it’s so overwhelming—and no one’s really a racist, anyway, except for maybe some white people in the South with CBFs on their pickup trucks. Or something. What I saw was some white people saying “Is it really helpful to call anyone a ‘racist,’ when that could just push them away from wanting to change? Calling someone ‘racist’ isn’t going to get us anywhere, and besides, you might be tempted to call me…
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US and our empty gestures — The Won Percent
This blog post is so powerful, and speaks so deeply into my heart, and is just so much where I am right now that I wanted to reblog it here. Many, many thanks to the blog The Won Percent for this dive into the human soul. Take the time to go visit the original post. https://youtube.com/watch?v=yTbOhsvA4WE%3Fversion%3D3%26rel%3D1%26fs%3D1%26autohide%3D2%26showsearch%3D0%26showinfo%3D1%26iv_load_policy%3D1%26wmode%3Dtransparent “We’re Americans” Hands Across America fell far short of its $50 million goal.Somehow, singing, “Divided we fall, United we stand, Hands across America,” didn’t put an end to our homeless epidemic. Go figure. Did they end hunger in America? Of course not. But did they call attention to the problem, and get some volunteers…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 18: Color-blind
We talk about the things that are important to us, or we talk about the things that are completely unimportant to us in order to avoid talking about the important things that threaten us. Intimacy threatens us. Empathy scares us. Accountability scares us. Responsibility and connected-ness provoke us. In our heart of hearts, with our bosom friends, we may, if we are very, very fortunate, have a brush with intimacy or reality. Race in America scares us white people. Scares the bejesus from us. I see things we do to ameliorate the pain and the fear. We talk over it. We deny it. We claim it’s not us. We say…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 17: My Good People
“How it was possible that I was both a ‘good person’ and utterly clueless.” It’s possible because being “good” does not mean “also smart” or “also educated” or even “also aware.” I’m good. I do good things. I have good intentions. Even when I was actively participating in conservative politics that were leading to the destruction of the oppressed, I was good because I had good thoughts and good intentions. Being good isn’t anything unless it’s coupled with intelligent action, and intelligent action isn’t good if it sets a priority upon intention rather than impact. Hand to God, I am ashamed and embarrassed by my words and actions to people…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 16: Logos and Stereotypes
“The monumental cognitive task of processing the millions of pieces of information that flood us daily requires that we sort and categorize.” I agree here that this is a survival skill and, on the face of it, neutral. The problem is that we then use the sorting/categorization not just as identity but as threat-analysis. White people are our friends; people of color are likely antagonistic and unwilling to compromise with us like white people do. The identity is not only what they look like, but what they represent, even though that representation is largely imagined. “One way people differ from animals, however, is the way we use symbols to make…
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A Reminder: Welcome to Our Muslim Neighbors
Note: I first wrote this when I was asked to give the community welcome to the Muslim community in our town. There were certain comments made by local residents as well as our state legislator, Jay Rodne (R-05), that were inflammatory and ill-informed. The Muslims set up an open house and invited the community to hear their stories and to let us tell ours. Here are my remarks, first posted in an article on this site from three years ago. I extend my thanks to Mujeeb Mohammed, President of the Muslim Association of Snoqualmie Ridge, along with the Board of Directors, and the Board of Governors, for asking me to…
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The Whisper of the Wind Without Words
My goodness, how deeply this spoke to me this morning: “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if…
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Enough
If you don’t know by know I’m a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, then I’ve done a damned poor job of making my faith explicit, and for that I’m sorry. I believe in Jesus the son of God, true God of true God, born, lived, died, and risen. But with that said, I stand with my brothers and sisters in the Muslim Ummah right now as we all are reeling in shock from the latest atrocities of white supremacist terrorism that’s being done in the name of Jesus Christ and for the followers of Jesus Christ. It is an abomination. Full stop. If your church is teaching that whiteness…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 15: The Whole Story
“One of the most powerful tools of racism is stories.” More broadly, all history is stories, sometimes told in a Domesday Book, sometimes told in a slide deck. We have to pick and choose what we think matters in history—the world every instant is crammed full of events and meaning, of people and actions. No one thing at an instant is “the one thing” of the instant. History is shaped by what we want to remember. That my mother was expelled from Ukraine in 1933 is just as much a matter of history that Hitler came to power in Germany, the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco started construction, and…
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When the Past Tries to Reclaim the Present
Last night the hemlock tried to nail the house again. This time it failed. We live in an area that is mixed rural and forest. Just down the street is the river, and across the river is an escarpment that’s the outlier of the Cascades. Western Hemlock, Douglas Fir, and Big Leaf Maple are the most common big trees here, with scattered alder and cottonwood in the understory, especially of disturbed land. The trees used to grow big here—we started as a logging and milling town until we ran out of trees, then switched to agriculture—hops and dairy as the most common. Now we still have some dairy farms, but…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 14: ZAP!
The fact that the playing field is not level means that life experiences are not merely different, but unequal and unfair. This is a hard concept to hold on to. Theoretically I understand it, but essentially I ignore it. And yet, every so often I hear the stories and hear the pain. I take for granted that everyone has a life like mine—you simply do the work required and you are rewarded. This is extremely not so. I’ve made it a point to not bring up personal stories from now on that involve people without their permission, and as a result I’ve removed about half of my blog entries. (The…
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Lenten Lament 4 #Lent2019
A reminder that toxicity and destruction are directed against many of the beloved. A reminder that we all must continue in the pursuit of justice and peace. via Lenten Lament 4 #Lent2019
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Housekeeping and Security
Something new has happened… I know I’m late to the game, but the site is now protected by SSL—you can now (and should) use “https://” to connect to this site. The http:// connection still works, and there really isn’t panic that you shouldn’t use that protocol, because if you use the old URL and protocol (that is, “http://stephenmatlock.com”), you’ll just be forwarded to the new protocol (that is, “https://stephenmatlock.com”). One thing this does for the site is to make logins more secure. Your password is always encrypted (I can’t see it, ever, by the design of WordPress), but this means that now your communications with the site, such as posting…
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#Waking Up White Chapter 13: Invisibility
“We were pushed hard to be cognizant of what we did and did not notice. And most importantly, why?” This is the hardest—the why of our actions and our inattention. Why do I feel that white people around me are just worth my time, and yet black people are somehow safe to exclude? That came from somewhere, and I picked it up, but why do I think this and act this way—that is the part of me that still has mysterious roots. Did I really choose to be racist? Based upon what I’m reading and thinking about, it seems more and more likely that yes, I did choose this. “I…
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Hope
“Hope always breaks my heart. And yet hope always restores my soul.” One of the difficulties of any endeavor is that there is just no guarantee of success. A journey is not like a recipe, where, if you put in the right ingredients at the right time, mix it in the right way, and bake it for the right amount of time, you’ll get, barring any spectacular issues, the thing that you expected. A cake recipe makes a cake, a pie recipe makes a pie, a cashew chicken recipe makes a decent plate of food for a dinner, a dinner that I’m eating right now. The journey, tho? No guarantees…
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Lenten Lamentations
I don’t usually participate in Lent, the season marking the weeks before Jesus’ last days. It’s kinda “churchy” and I don’t do churchy. But this site and this blog and this entry hit me in all the feels right now, and I cannot express to you how apt this is: “We lament because paradoxically, the cure for the pain is in our engagement of it.” I am lamenting some poor choices I’ve made very recently. I’ll confess I’ve had two sleepless nights so far as I consider over and over what I did, and how I broke my own principles and my own values. I lament that with all my…
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Getting From A to B
It was a hard day today. I spent much of it reflecting upon the journey and upon my words and my deeds. I wrote earlier about words and deeds, and as karma and God would have it, the lesson bounced back to me to learn. It is hard, damned hard, to make yourself fit into your own moral principles. You discover that what you think are your principles are really your presumptions, that you think are “good” and all you need to do is to be bold and act rightly. That’s when you find out that the real you is quite alive, and is ready to sabotage and reveal itself.…
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Words and Deeds
This is short today, and a freebie: it matters that we use words. It matters that we listen to what people are saying. It matters that we think deeply about what we experience and what we hear, and even that we think about what we write or say. Words tell us things that can generally be understood in the same way by most people. (Yeah, there’s a philosophical argument that no one experiences the same experience, whether it’s from words or from interactions, but in my view there’s a general idea that we can understand even though we appreciate it with different emphases.) Words help me process my feelings or…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 12: Icebergs
“One of the breakthroughs I had … was understanding the degree to which I tend to align what I see and hear with my underlying beliefs.” You know, this is a great opener to help us understand how it all happened with us, the good people. I presume that most white people think they’re good people, and therefore just assume that they can’t be either racist or contributing to racism. “I don’t generally feel negative emotions about people of color, and generally don’t think negative thoughts about them.” How could anyone be contributing to racism or even be a racist themselves if they don’t have overt emotions and thoughts? We…
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Guest link – #SeminaryWhileBlack
This is a link to a blog I follow—The Won Percent—and I want to note, upfront, that I am not promoting the hashtag #SeminaryWhileBlack. That would be presumptuous of me, not to mention appropriative. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the post, especially as I read accounts from students at seminaries who discover that their texts are usually from the same source—European men. It’s critical that we have a broader view of theology than just what was created in cold North climes. There is a tremendous need for something more that what’s been traditionally offered. And the quote from Carter Woodson, from the 1920s, is just killer: In schools of theology Negroes…
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Green Books, Black Lives, and White History
I’m reading some interesting responses to “The Green Book,” which, if you have been in a cave in Thailand for the past six months, is a movie about a white racially antagonistic chauffeur who ferries around a black musician. There have been complains, and their have been counter-complaints, largely on the line of “it’s just a movie.” (I have written elsewhere about how our entertainment does matter. A movie is never just a movie.) The complaints about the movie itself might be due to what’s in this article, about a slice of history that is used as a prop for another story entirely. I researched the meaning of the Green…
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When Home Is Gone
I’m seeing something recently that is new to my vision, and that is the homeless. Yes, of course I mean the homeless we see on the streets and hills. Seattle, like many other cities, has a growing, visible issue with our homeless population. Unlike other issues that we can corral behind fences and locked doors, the issue of the homeless confronts us because there is no law that is broken if you have no home. You might break a law if you attempt to build a camp site or take over a doorway to sleep, but Seattle in its majesty permits the rich and the poor to be homeless—as long…
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#WakingUpWhite Chapter 11: Headwinds and Tailwinds
“Skin color itself is not the barrier; it’s the beliefs attached to it. And beliefs, compared to birth dates or other more tangible barriers, are harder to pinpoint and also much harder to change.” The chapters are starting to get down into the weeds now, and it’s getting thornier to navigate. This chapter explores the systems that create systemic racism. Helpfully, it does not just say that systemic racism is a thing, but it explores the interlocking small systems that make up the bigger system. The systemic part of the systems—they all work together in their small cycles to become one big Krebs cycle of racism. This reveals something in…
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To Wrestle with the Angel
Today I participated in a hands-on seminar led by James Whitfield, CEO of the Leadership Eastside organization. We went through a series of exercises and discussions about the topic of racism—what it is at a personal level, what it is at the systemic level, and what it is as expressed in our social structures. It was a preliminary discussion—in three hours with 27 people it can be difficult to get much deeper than introductions and first steps. But it did make me realize a bit more of how deeply the systems of racism are entwined in the American definitions of “American” and “white” and even “Christian.” As a class (as…
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Entertainment Matters
We usher at the local theatre about once a month for live productions. It’s our “date night,” and we generally make a half-day of it. We have to prepare for the show, because even though we are “out there” in the lobby or in the aisles, we are still part of the theatre production: our clothes and our demeanor are to support the on-stage events. Our customers are the theatre-goer who’s paying for a seat and a view and an experience. We are there to assist in that. So we dress to be somewhat invisible and yet in ways that mark us as not quite blended in with the paying…
- #WakingUpWhite, American Exceptionalism, education, family, history, Life Recovery Skills, racism, Southern California
#WakingUpWhite Chapter 10: The Melting Pot
“The United States has reaffirmed its commitment to being a melting-pot society adhering to Anglo-Saxon standards, as opposed to a mosaic nation built on the diversity of multiple cultures.” This chapter dives into a common myth about America—that it is a “melting pot.” It is, if by that you mean that everyone is baptized with fire to lose their heritage and identity, to be reborn as a WASP-y character—as long as they have visibly white skin and features. The stories here match some of the experiences of my mother’s side of the family—she was an immigrant from World War II, and when she went through Ellis Island (figuratively; I’m not…
