I was in a conversation with a pastor-friend the other week about something I struggle with, and that is the answer to the question “But what do I do?”
What do I do about the things that I see that I think aren’t right? What do I do about the situations where injustice occurs, where oppression is maintained, where there is no room for the human and the person and the needs to be understood, much less addressed? So much is a giant system that is rolling on unchecked, and all I have are these small tools and weak commitments that are easily broken by adamant obstacles.
Now, my pastor-friend is kind and thoughtful, and mostly just lets me talk. (And I’m typically so reticent, too.) He lets me talk because I think it is gently humorous to him, but he is patient and he doesn’t try to fix me or offer “good ideas.” We’ve talked a bit about this for the last six months ever since he first challenged me by saying “It’s up to you white people to fix racism.” That struck me, and it was like a moment in my life when I said, “Yeah, I understand that now.” Not some vague free-floating feeling of “something should be done about this,” but “this is a problem we created, and we are responsible for crushing it. The subject, not the target, is the actor in this situation.”
I was at this state of “but what do I actually do?” Feel-good actions and fine words are not enough. So I said “I guess I’m just going to try every doorknob, and if there’s one that opens, I’m going to turn it, open that door, and walk through it.”
You know, that is what did it for me. Trying all the doorknobs. A lot of them are locked or out of reach. I can’t open those doors.
But there are a lot of doors that are open that I just never tried opening. I was waiting for someone to tell me or take me or lead me. Yet I had the power to move on my own and take actions on my own.
That’s what my pastor-friend was saying, in his careful, gentle way.
I’m not saying that my previous actions and patience were wrong. The journey to become a whole person who engages with the world as an honest, free, energized, joyful, empowered human is not a leap from zero to one. It really is a journey. But on the journey there are mileposts and rest stops and filling stations—and the long, long road ahead.
So while I don’t regret the preparation, I’m glad that there are opportunities that are opening up for me, and that I’m in a place where I’m ready for movement and challenge and engagement.
I’m going to be trying all the doorknobs to see which ones are unlocked.
Note that I’ve made a few minor changes to my site to reflect changes in my public focus. I’m trying to gather the resources that I’m using that help me be educated or inspired or even directed. You do not have to do anything with them if you see them. They’re mostly for me and my interests, but I offer them if you are also interested in some jumping off points of your own. But—you will find soon that you have your own mileposts and rest stops and filling stations. Enjoy the way the journey takes you.